Friday, July 21, 2017

Everybody's Talking At Me

When I think about where I was this time in my life mentally a year ago, I pause. This time last year I was still in total denial about my husband's death. I couldn't(and wouldn't) accept that all we had shared, all of our dreams, and all of our love for each other had actually come to an end. I was reluctantly forced with moving on with my life. Because my husband empowered me to fulfill my dreams and passions, when he died, so did my desire to succeed in life. Just getting out of bed everyday and living became a chore. I thought a career in case management was the answer to my depression. After all, I had always been taught that the best way to get over your problems, was to help others work through theirs. This worked for a while. But then I realized that the only way for me to move forward and thrive, was for me to face my depression head on. It wasn't easy, and the process is not complete. But I can truly say that I am in a much better place. Something that helped me cope, was reading up on Glen Campbell. Mr. Campbell is a world renown country singer whose career really took off in the 70's. In 2012 Glen Campbell went public with the fact that he was suffering from Alzheimer's. I thought how tragic. Then I started listening to Glen Campbell's goodbye album, and one song struck a chord with me. The song is titled "Everybody's Talking At Me". When I listen to him sing the lyrics, it's as if he's saying, he has lived a wonderful and fulfilling life with no regrets, and is ready for the end. And it hit me. If I were to give up on life now, there would be such an emptiness and disappointment. My husband invested so much in me and my dreams; and if I don't continue to push forward to make them happen, I would be letting him down. So here I am, exhaling and moving on. Preparing for my second act in life.